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Man Moving To New City Never Took Time To Truly Loathe Surroundings

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Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Days before he was set to relocate to Denver for work, four-year Chicago resident Paul Marsden ...

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The Onion comedy satire news Onion News Network ONN ONNCast humor son guy sir beau papa swain Mr. uncle woman gentleperson grownup man person animal body brute creation critter fellow individual living being living thing lower animal mortal party personage quadruped soul varmint earth dweller humankind tellurian accouter adorn appoint arm array attire deck deck out decorate dress endow feather nest fit out fix up furnish gear gear up heel implement line nest outfit prep prepare provide qualify ready rig set up stake stock supply turn out Mrs. being character child creature dude entity existence human being material matter number self singleton somebody something stuff substance type unit adult earthling equip grown-up Man MAN rousing dynamic far-out hairy emotive facund dull fixed flying jumping running going roaming roving movable nomadic walking motile unfixed alive astir at work bustling effective efficacious exertive flowing functioning hasty impelling in force in play in process mobile moving operating operative progressive pushing rapid restless rolling rushing rustling shifting simmering speeding speedy streaming swarming traveling turning working breathing live living mortal viable vital zoetic alarming astonishing awe-inspiring awful beautiful breathtaking daunting dreadful exalted fearful fearsome formidable frantic frightening grand horrible horrifying imposing impressive intimidating magnificent majestic mean mind-blowing nervous overwhelming real gone shocking something else striking stunning stupefying terrible terrifying wonderful wondrous zero cool amazing exciting hair-raising heart-stirring heart-stopping spine-tingling thrilling civil courteous courtly decorous deferential dignified exact grandiose precise proper punctilious seemly solemn starchy stately stiff acceptable authentic believeable cogent conclusive credible dependable faithful hopeful incontrovertible likely plausible possible powerful presumable probable rational reasonable reliable satisfactory satisfying solid sound swaying telling trustworthy trusty valid active animate awesome ceremonious convincing Moving late modern unusual current strange unique recent latest modish novel now topical unknown unlike untried unused virgin dewy like usual future worn old normal common past fresh other more another else extra farther further added improved altered changed renewed revived newly anew affixed appended increased new on the side option over-and-above padding perk spare supplementary afresh another time come again de novo from scratch from the beginning in a different way in a new way lately once again once more one more time over over again recently a distinct a further a separate one more some other that beat experimental head hip innovative lead leading-edge liberal new wave pioneering progressive radical state-of-the-art vanguard dubious flaky mostly working pre-release suspect testing unready bare barren clean empty pale plain spotless uncompleted unfilled unmarked untouched vacant vacuous virginal void white additional avant-garde beta blank N.E.W. civic civil urban burghal rural center downtown place capital port burg borough apple polis urbs belt block city county division domain dominion enclosure field kingdom locality neck of the woods neighborhood parcel patch plot precinct principality quarter section sector sphere square state stretch territory township tract turf vicinity ward zone club concourse crossroads focal point focus heart hub mall market marketplace mart meeting place metropolis nerve center plaza polestar shopping center social center station town trading center balloters body of voters body politic citizenry district electorate electors faction nation people system voters voting area cosmopolitan modern municipal urbane community corporate domestic home incorporated internal local metropolitan native public abode accommodation apartment area berth compass corner country distance domicile dwelling habitat hamlet hangout hole house joint latitude lay locale locus longitude niche nook pad part plant point position property region reservation residence room seat site situation spot stead suburb venue village volume whereabouts constituency -City City at no time forget it nevermore no way not at all not ever always absolutely not by no means negative never nix not by any means nay not nothing doing nope Never capture earn seize receive win reach pick up accept collect arrest have grab hold grip grasp ensnare handle secure clutch acquire obtain snatch catch attain strike snag entrap abduct reap collar clasp pull in take in prehend haul in refuse reject avoid dodge free let go lose spend give offer fail drop loose miss stop keep add lift snare nail nip nab swipe annex pluck pocket filch snitch pinch borrow weaken insert lower return draw pick get cull elect hire book rent gain mark lease sell cancel fire welcome stand suffer stomach brook hack bear weather abide contain swallow undergo brave hang on take it hang in let in shun feed drink meal down eat enjoy play like make work serve bring exert assume behave react admit treat sense effect relish hate lack need ignore want idle direct halt take forget leave feel see expect follow think know gather regard reckon deem see as beat succeed operate prevail triumph lead move back drive usher tote lug jag haul cart pilot buck trek ride gun guide tour truck steer ferry fetch heel pack stay bewitch allure please delight charm wile attract tire repel bore ask crave remove deduct raise dupe gull bilk trick fiddle con cozen derive afar alone aloof apart away detached distant isolated obscure remote separate took withdrawn acknowledge be big about bear with concede consent defer endure hang in there hang tough live with put up with sit tight stand for tolerate withstand acquiesce agree assent bow capitulate defer to don't make waves don't rock the boat fit in go along with play the game recognize respect sit still for submit to yield to access achieve amass bring in buy cop corral get hands on get hold of hustle land latch onto lock up procure promote rack up scare up take possession of wangle be big on bless enter entertain give access give the nod give thumbs up grant harbor house initiate introduce let lodge okay permit shelter sign sign off on removed Took tooks Tooks point past turn space life date day stage term age pace while era tide stint span clock epoch bout spell tempo bit shift tour month year week hour break show shot peak accident advantage chance favorable circumstances fortune good luck luck occasion opening opportunity stroke of luck time agenda almanac annal bulletin card chronology daybook diary docket journal lineup list log logbook menology pipeline program record register sked system of reckoning tab table timetable contingency fair shake fighting chance indications liability likelihood long shot look-in odds outlook prospect scope squeak wager Moira action adjunct affair article case cause coincidence concern crisis destiny detail doom element episode event exigency fact factor fate feature fortuity happening happenstance incident intervention item juncture kismet lot matter occurrence particular phase place portion proviso respect scene status stipulation supervention thing where it's at author bang out cast clef coin a phrase comp conceive contrive cook up design devise discover draw up dream up fabricate forge form formulate frame fudge together ghost ghostwrite imagine indite invent knock off knock out make up note down orchestrate originate pen poetize produce push pencil put down put pen to paper score scribble script set type set up turn out whip up write duration elapsing lapse passage passing progress sweep calendar circumstance compose course Time rightly sincerely exactly actually very honestly surely genuinely correctly de facto firmly honorably loyally precisely reliably steadily devotedly factually in fact in truth staunchly veritably doubtfully dubiously indefinite frankly on the up and up openly overtly truly truthfully veraciously categorically come hell or high water conclusively decidedly decisively definitely doubtless easily for sure no ifs ands or buts no strings attached on the button on the money on the nose positively really right on straight out sure as can be sure as hell sure enough sure thing the very thing unambiguously unconditionally unquestionably badly dreadfully excessively extremely greatly hugely immensely indeed much quite terribly very much actual existing in effect real tangible absolutely apparently assuredly clearly indisputably of course ostensibly presumably probably seemingly supposedly undoubtedly unequivocally without doubt almost certainly beyond question by far certainly doubtlessly far and away indubitably no doubt plainly undeniably aboveboard awfully despise detest hate abhor refuse spurn decline revolt reject execrate adore like love allow abominate be allergic to be down on be grossed out by have no use for loathe scorn dislike allergic to contemn deride disdain disregard eschew feel contempt for flout look down nose at misprize neglect put down renounce repudiate revile shun slight snub undervalue wipe out dislike intensely down on feel aversion toward feel hostility toward feel repugnance toward recoil from antipathize avoid be averse to be turned off to bear malice toward condemn deplore disapprove disesteem disfavor disrelish grossed out on have hard feelings have no stomach for have no taste for look down on lose interest in make faces at mind not appreciate not care for not endure not feel like not take kindly to object to regret resent shudder at accurse anathematize censure curse damn denounce excoriate imprecate objurgate reprehend reprobate reprove vilify milieu home medium absent absorbed abstracted airheaded bemused careless daydreaming distracted distrait dreaming dreamy engrossed faraway forgetful goofing off head in the clouds heedless inattentive inconscient lost mooning moony oblivious out to lunch pipe dreaming preoccupied remote removed scatterbrained space cadet spacey surroundings unaware of events unconscious unheeding unmindful unobservant unthinking withdrawn woolgathering ambient atmosphere climate air ambience aura background character color environment feel feeling flavor impression local color mood place property quality scene semblance sense space spirit taste tone disposition mise en scène temper tendency trend back roads boonies country land landscape non-urban area scenery setting sticks terrain ambiance backdrop circumstances conditions context domain element encompassment entourage habitat hood jungle locale neck of the woods neighborhood purlieus situation status stomping ground territory turf zoo absent-minded countryside The Onion The Onions comic sudden tense affecting breathtaking climactic dramaturgic dramaturgical effective electrifying emotional expressive farcical histrionic impressive melodramatic powerful sensational spectacular startling striking suspenseful the histrionical The onion Onion ONION onions fun humor satire farce picnic takeoff drollery hoopla travesty hilarity ball camp jesting joking sitcom laughs funnies grins schtick chaffing gag show play on send-up sadness tragedy Broadway boards climax comedy dramatic art dramatization dramaturgy footlights histrionic art melodrama play production scene show show business showmanship stage show stagecraft tear-jerker theater theatricals thespian art vehicle crisis dramatics emotion excitement histrionics spectacle tension theatrics absurdity broad comedy buffoonery burlesque caricature high camp horseplay interlude joke low camp mock mockery parody pratfall comedy ridiculousness sham skit slapstick curtain-raiser drama entertainment flop hit mask musical one-act opera performance potboiler smash smash hit theatrical turkey act appearance carnival cinema film flick motion picture movie pageant picture presentation showing curiosity demonstration display event exposition extravaganza marvel parade phenomenon representation sight spectacular tableau view wonder Comedy irony skit wit spoof squib seriousness burly caricature farce lampoon lampoonery mock mockery parody pastiche peep show revue satire send-up strip takeoff travesty vaudeville burlesque cartoon distortion imitation libel mimicry pasquinade put-on ridicule sham animation comic strip drawing representation sketch ball camp chaffing comic drama comicality comicalness drollery drollness facetiousness field day fun fun and games funnies funniness gag show grins high camp high time hilarity hoopla humor humorousness interlude jesting joking laughs light entertainment merry-go-round picnic play on schtick sitcom slapstick wisecracking witticism wittiness Bronx cheer backhanded compliment brickbat butt comeback contempt contumely crack dig disdain disparagement dump jab jest joke laughingstock laughter object of ridicule parting shot pilgarlic put-down raillery scoffing scorn slam slap sneering adumbration allegory alliteration allusion analogue analogy anaphora anticlimax antistrophe antithesis aposiopesis apostrophe asyndeton bathos comparison conceit device echoism ellipsis euphemism euphuism exaggeration expression flourish flower hyperbole image imagery litotes malapropism manner of speaking metaphor metonymy onomatopoeia ornament oxymoron parable paradox parallel personification proteron rhetoric sarcasm simile synecdoche trope tropology turn of phrase understatement way of speaking comedy derision figure of speech Satire story word advice account report message data rumor hearsay telegram tidings dispatch telecast scandal leak telling copy cable recital scoop release bulletin exposé lowdown silence truth history admonition advisement advocacy aid bum steer caution charge consultation counsel directions dissuasion encouragement exhortation forewarning guidance help information injunction input instruction judgment lesson news opinion persuasion prescription proposal proposition recommendation steer suggestion teaching telltale tip tip-off two cents' worth view warning word to the wise advertisement briefing broadcast broadcasting communication communiqué disclosure dissemination divulgence edict exposing exposition expression intimation narration notice notification prediction promulgation publication publishing recitation reporting revelation statement announcement break calendar flash handout hot wire item list news flash program skinny the dope what's going down what's happening comment cry grapevine rumble scuttlebutt talk whisper conversation converse declaration directive excerpt goods hot story ideas info inside story intelligence language missive note pipeline poop prophecy précis publicity speech summary translation utterance work buzz intimate intelligence juicy morsel the lowdown dirt NEWS story word advice account report message data rumor hearsay telegram tidings dispatch telecast scandal leak telling copy cable recital scoop release bulletin exposé lowdown silence truth history admonition advisement advocacy aid bum steer caution charge consultation counsel directions dissuasion encouragement exhortation forewarning guidance help information injunction input instruction judgment lesson news opinion persuasion prescription proposal proposition recommendation steer suggestion teaching telltale tip tip-off two cents' worth view warning word to the wise advertisement briefing broadcast broadcasting communication communiqué disclosure dissemination divulgence edict exposing exposition expression intimation narration notice notification prediction promulgation publication publishing recitation reporting revelation statement announcement break calendar flash handout hot wire item list news flash program skinny the dope what's going down what's happening comment cry grapevine rumble scuttlebutt talk whisper conversation converse declaration directive excerpt goods hot story ideas info inside story intelligence language missive note pipeline poop prophecy précis publicity speech summary translation utterance work buzz intimate intelligence juicy morsel the lowdown dirt NEWS web chain system grid net nexus plexus wattle fabric complex maze fiber mesh artery weave grill hookup jungle netting wiring tracks disorganization mingle meet hobnob avoid divide admix alloy ally coalesce combine come together compound consolidate fuse hook up with incorporate integrate interface intermix join together meld merge network pool team up tie in tie up unite bureaucracy chain of command hierarchy setup structure band binding connection cord fastening fetter gunk handcuff irons ligature link linkage manacle rope shackle stickum tie tie-in wire affiliation affinity attachment connective friendship interrelationship liaison marriage obligation relationship restraint union gossamer labyrinth snare tissue toil webbing amalgamate associate bind blend bond bracket bunch up coadjute commingle conjoin cooperate couple dub get together glue oneself to hitch on hook on join league marry mix plug into put together relate slap on stand in with synthesize tack on tag on team up with throw in together tie up with unify wed apparatus cobweb Network Net-Work Onns farce joke banter whimsy gag wit fun joking gaiety jest levity sadness tragedy drama tone nature makeup whim vagary strain bent quirk mind fancy notion bias bee temper vein dislike hate afford aid arrange assist avail benefit bow comfort convenience defer favor furnish gratify help humor indulge oblige pamper please provide serve settle submit suit supply support sustain yield cater to cherish coddle cosset cuddle dandle dote on foster nurse overindulge pet satisfy spoil caper changeableness contrariety crotchet fad fickleness fitfulness fool notion freak impulse inconsistency inconstancy jerk kink mood peculiarity perversity put on rib thought baby cotton minister to outfit pander to procure provision purvey victual appearance aspect attribute badge caliber cast complex complexion constitution crasis disposition emotions estimation ethos frame frame of mind genius grain habit kind mettle morale mystique personality quality record reputation repute sense set shape singularity sort specialty spirit standing streak style temperament trait turn type branch brand breed caste character classification collection color degree denomination department description designation distinction division domain estate family feather genre genus grade grouping hierarchy ilk kidney league make mold name order origin property province range rank rate school sect section selection source species sphere status stripe value variety accommodate caprice cater class Humor
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