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Red Roof Inn Announces New Suicidal Suite

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For More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video In an effort to cater to customers who have lost the will to live, economy hotel chain Red Roof Inn ...

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burning elated embarrassed enthused exhilarated feverish full-blooded high hot inspired intoxicated rutilant rutilous thrilled unhappy sad depressed pallid pale aglow beaming flush gleaming lambent luminous lustrous phosphorescent rich suffused vibrant vivid warm unsmiling unenthusiastic ceiling house canopy covering crown cupola dome gable gambrel palate parapet rafter shelter slate summit truss bottom accommodations apartments boardinghouses boards crash pads cribs digs hotels houses housings lodgings motels pads quarters roofs room and boards rooming houses rooms shelters apex acme apogee climax crest culmination cusp greatest height max maximum meridian most ne plus ultra peak pinnacle point roof spire sublimity tip tops up there vertex zenith base nadir baldachin beam covert fan vaulting groin highest point housetop plafond planchement plaster roofing timber topside covering minimum floor cover awning bark binding camouflage canvas cap caparison case cloak clothing coating coverlet disguise dress drop envelope facade false front fig leaf front guise hood integument jacket lid marquee mask masquerade overlay paint parasol polish pretense put-on screen seal semblance sheath sheet shroud smoke screen spread stopper tarp tarpaulin tegument tent top umbrella varnish veil veneer window-dressing wrapper wraps reality covers awnings barks bindings camouflages canopies canvases caparisons caps cases ceilings cloaks coatings coverings coverlets disguises domes dresses drops envelopes facades false fronts fig leafs fronts guises hoods integuments jackets lids masks masquerades overlays paints parasols polishes pretenses put-ons screens seals semblances sheaths sheets shrouds smoke screens spreads stoppers tarpaulins tarps teguments tents umbrellas varnishes veils veneers window-dressings wrappers realities crescendo fastigium head noon ridge foot Roof Roof Roof hostel hotel lodge motel resort saloon tavern auberge hospice hostelry roadhouse public house bar alehouse barroom beer garden bistro canteen cocktail lounge drinkery inn lounge pub rathskeller tap taproom watering hole help aid advantage bed and breakfast B and B bed-and-breakfast country inn guest house lodging house caravansary khan serai youth hostel youth hotel boarding house dump fleabag flophouse house lodging motor inn rooming house spa hotels auberges boarding houses caravansaries dumps fleabags flophouses hospices hostelries hostels houses inns lodgings motels motor inns public houses resorts roadhouses rooming houses spas taverns the inn innes Innes inne call declare disclose issue publish release report reveal tell advertise annunciate blast blazon broadcast communicate disseminate divulge drum impart intimate proclaim promulgate propound publicize state trumpet give out make known make public pass the word run off at mouth sound off spread around conceal hide hold keep listen suppress keep quiet secret be quiet bottle up keep secret refrain repress withhold predict indicate signal harbinger signify forecast herald forebode foretell augur portend presage foreshow forerun acquaint advance advise announce apprise ballyhoo beat the drum for bill boost build up circularize display endorse exhibit expose flaunt get on soapbox for hard sell hype inform make a pitch notify pitch plug press agent promote puff push put on the map show soft sell splash sponsor spot tout uncover unmask halt discourage hurt cover secrete decrease deceive deny disapprove advertises acquaints advances advises announces apprises ballyhoos beats the drum for bills blazons boosts builds up circularizes communicates declares discloses displays divulges drums endorses exhibits exposes flaunts gets on soapbox for heralds hypes informs makes a pitch makes known notifies pitches plugs proclaims promotes promulgates puffs pushes puts on the map reveals shows splashes sponsors spots touts uncovers unmasks keeps secret secrets halts discourages hurts covers secretes decreases deceives denies disapproves bottles up suppresses withholds hides conceals attest adjure argue assert asservate authenticate aver bear out bear witness certify confirm corroborate countersign demonstrate give evidence prove ratify seal substantiate support sustain swear testify uphold verify warrant witness oppose discredit abstain repudiate invalidate disavow contradict reject veto refuse disprove attested adjured announced argued asserted asservated authenticated averred bore out bore witness certified confirmed corroborated countersigned declared demonstrated displayed exhibited gave evidence indicated proved ratified sealed showed substantiated supported sustained swore testified upheld verified warranted witnessed opposed discredited covered abstained withheld repudiated invalidated disavowed contradicted rejected vetoed refused denied hid concealed disproved avouch admit affirm asseverate avow claim contend maintain say ask question abandon ignore dispute condemn disclaim desert bespeak accost address arrange cite discuss engage exclaim hint imply request reserve speak stipulate overlook answer let go avoid reply shun Announcer To Be Announced Announce Announcement advanced brand-new contemporary current different late modern original recent state-of-the-art strange unfamiliar unique unusual au courant cutting-edge dewy dissimilar distinct fashionable inexperienced just out latest modernistic modish neoteric newfangled novel now spick-and-span topical ultramodern unaccustomed uncontaminated unknown unlike unseasoned unskilled unspoiled untouched untrained untried untrodden unused up-to-date virgin youthful antiquated common familiar future like normal old old-fashioned past regular similar standard usual deteriorated existent existing out-of-date outdated unstylish worn fresh other more another else extra farther further increased supplementary added improved altered changed renewed revived redesigned refreshed newly afresh anew lately freshly of late additional affixed appended new on the side option over-and-above padding perk spare necessary another time come again de novo from scratch from the beginning in a different way in a new way once again once more one more time over over again recently a distinct a further a separate one more some other that avant-garde beat experimental head hip innovative lead leading-edge liberal new wave pioneering progressive radical vanguard conventional moderate conservative beta dubious flaky mostly working pre-release suspect testing unready blank bare barren clean empty pale plain spotless uncompleted unfilled unmarked vacant vacuous virginal void white occupied habited dirty full understanding excited aware animated filled dangerous deadly depressed destructive fatal lethal harmless healthful helpful life-giving wholesome deadliest baleful baneful bloodthirsty bloody cannibalistic carcinogenic cruel death-dealing deathly deleterious destroying grim harmful homicidal injurious internecine killing malignant mortal mortiferous murderous noxious pernicious pestiferous pestilent pestilential poisonous ruthless savage suicidal toxic unrelenting venomous violent virulent nonpoisonous gentle nice benign calm lively invigorating energizing animating healthy kind despairing anxious at end of one's rope blue brokenhearted can't win cynical dejected desperate disconsolate downcast forlorn frantic grief-stricken hopeless in pain in the dumps in the pits in the soup inconsolable melancholic melancholy miserable no-win not a prayer oppressed pessimistic sad shot down strabilious sunk weighed down wretched hopeful expectant happy confident joyous encouraged cheerful annihilative calamitous cancerous cataclysmic catastrophic consumptive cutthroat damaging detrimental dire disastrous eradicative evil extirpative fell hurtful lethiferous noisome ruinous slaughterous wrackful wreckful positive building aiding favorable blessed encouraging productive creative beneficial advantageous assisting fortunate crippling depleting draining exhausting extravagant fateful immoderate shattering unfortunate wasteful withering unimportant trivial tumbledown dilapidated ramshackle rundown Suicidal apartment collection lodging rental array batch body chambers flat group lot parcel series set tenement individual one whole court cortege retinue faculty escort train clutch staff attendants servants followers scale string chain sequence sequel progression concatenation succession line order row consecution accommodation cave cold-water condo coop cooperative crash pad den digs dump living quarters pad penthouse residence suite walk-up battery bunch bundle clot clump cluster ring castle entourage hall lords and ladies palace royal household associates companions company courtiers following sycophants leader co-op floor-through go-down joint railroad apartment room adherents audience circle clientage clientele coterie dependents fans patronage patrons public rout support supporters disbelievers opposition suit suits suited the suits
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