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Sheltered Suburban School Already Knows They're Going To Fuck Up Black History Month

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Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA An Olympian has always dreamed of one day having fun with friends, the nation's girlfriends admit that ...

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The Onion comedy satire news Onion News Network ONN ONNCast humor Stand-up Comedy (TV Genre) Humour (Literary Genre) Parody History Black History Month (Celebration) Television (Invention) shady veiled exposed cloistral confined hermitic hidden insulated recluse reclusive restricted secluse seclusive sequestered sheltered shielded shut off withdrawn adequate agreeable appropriate at rest cared for cheerful complacent contented convenient cozy delightful easy enjoyable enjoying gratified hale happy healthy hearty loose loose-fitting made well pleasant pleased protected relaxed relaxing relieved rested restful restored satisfactory satisfying serene snug snug as a bug in a rug soft soothed strengthened untroubled useful warm well-off comfortable comfy cuddled up cushy easeful in clover in velvet intimate on bed of roses safe secure snug as bug in rug snuggled down tucked up buttoned up cherished free from danger guarded home-free impervious impregnable in safety intact inviolable invulnerable maintained okay out of danger out of harm's way preserved safe and sound safeguarded sitting pretty tended unassailable undamaged under lock and key under one's wing unharmed unhurt uninjured unmolested unscathed unthreatened vindicated watched defended immune riskless adumbral bosky chiaroscuro cloudy cool dim dusky indistinct leafy out of the sun screened shaded shadowed shadowy umbrageous umbrous under a cloud vague cloistered rural urban Suburban suburban Sub-urban academy hall jail faculty college group class party set sect clique circle pupils faith outlook belief stamp creed way disbelief tutor coach lead show prime manage direct inform train verse drill guide ignore hide learn forget academe academic community academicians savants school breed cultivate develop discipline educate feed form foster nourish nurture provide for rear support teach Mafia assembly bunch cabal camarilla camp clan club companions company comrades coterie crew cronies crowd crush fraternity gang in-group insiders intimates lot mob outfit posse ring society sorority branch brand cast caste character classification collection color degree denomination department description designation distinction division domain estate family feather frame genre genus grade grain grouping hierarchy humor ilk kidney league make mold name nature order origin property province quality range rank rate section selection source species sphere standing status stripe style suit temperament value variety break in cram hone lay it out for lick into shape prepare pull one's coat put through the grind put through the mill ready abbey cloister monastery religious community retreat academia bring up convent School then before earlier once formerly now as of now but now by now by then even now just now up to now later advanced ahead ahead of time already ante antecedently before now fore in advance in anticipation precedently precocious previous previously sooner after a while after all as a sequel at last at length at long last at the end at the last moment belatedly despite delay eventually in conclusion in spite of all in the eleventh hour in the long run lastly someday sometime sooner or later subsequently tardily ultimately yet a while back aforetime anciently at one time away back back back when before this down memory lane eons ago erewhile erstwhile heretofore in former times in the olden days in the past lately long ago of old of yore olden days once upon a time radically some time ago time was used to be water under the bridge a single time but once bygone in the old days in times gone by in times past late old on one occasion once only one one time before one time previously only one time quondam this time whilom ad hoc at this moment begun being coeval commenced contemporaneous contemporary current existent extant for the time being going on immediate in duration in process instant modern nowadays present-day prompt started today topical under consideration up-to-date a while ago beforehand forward hitherto in days gone by one-shot until now finally present Already notice see have learn realize ken prize fathom grasp undergo discern cognize be read ignore mix up miss neglect confuse forget not get feel identify taste savor sustain abstain acknowledge apprehend be aware of be cognizant of be conscious of catch the drift comprehend dig know perceive read recognize savvy see daylight sympathize with take account of understand absorb accept appreciate believe catch conceive digest get get the picture imagine sense think assimilate capiche click envisage envision gotcha make out take in tumble account allow appraise assume be afraid calculate conjecture credit daresay divine esteem estimate expect guess hold judge presume reckon set store by suppose surmise suspect view antithesize characterize contrast demarcate discrepate discriminate extricate individualize individuate know what's what mark mark off redline separate set apart set off sever severalize split hairs tell apart anticipate ascertain behold descry detect determine difference differentiate discover distinguish espy figure out find out focus foresee get a load of get wise to make distinction note observe pick out remark rubberneck secern see the light see through spot deem Know They're rapid mobile moving rust alive astir hasty fixed egress escape flight exit adieu exodus powder hegira congé hello activity agility alacrity alertness animation bag ballgame big idea bit business bustle commotion dash deal energy enterprise flurry force functioning game going happening haste hoopla hopper in the works industry life liveliness motion movement occupation operation plan power process proposition racket reaction response rush scene spirit stir stunt trip turmoil vigor vim vitality vivacity at work bustling effective efficacious exertive flowing impelling in force in play in process movable operating operative progressive pushing restless rolling running rushing rustling shifting simmering speeding speedy streaming swarming traveling turning walking working abandonment bow out decampment desertion egression embarkation emigration evacuation expatriation farewell getaway going away goodbye migration parting passage quitting recession removal retirement retreat sailing separation setting forth setting out stampede start takeoff taking leave taking off vacation vanishing act walkout withdrawal withdrawing ceasing to exist decline and fall dematerialization departure disappearing act disintegration dispersal dissipation dissolution ebbing eclipse evanescence evaporation fading loss melting passing receding wane wearing away at death's door at end of rope decaying declining disintegrating done for doomed fated final giving up the ghost in extremis moribund mortal on last leg one foot in grave perishing sinking vanishing withering death demise expiration expiry leave-taking offgoing action active disappearance dying goin g lay shag hump bonk bang mate know abstain be intimate breed copulate fool around fornicate fuck go all the way go to bed with have sexual intercourse have sexual relations make out procreate screw sleep together make love Fuck Fucks jet slate onyx coal sable pitch ebony dingy dusky livid murky sooty sloe raven ebon swart white clean happy good bleak sad foul grimy nasty sour fierce sullen nice bad mean Negro African black cheerless comfortless dark discouraging disheartening dismal drear dreary funereal gloomy grim hard harsh hopeless joyless lonely melancholy mournful oppressive somber unpromising bang up batter beat blacken blemish bung up contuse crush damage deface do a number on injure mar mark pound pulverize wound zing austere blue dejected dejecting depressed desolate despondent disconsolate dispiriting dolorous drab draggy drearisome dull forlorn in the dumps jarring miserable mopey sorrowful tenebrific uncomfortable wintry woebegone woeful aphotic atramentous blackish caliginous cimmerian clouded cloudy crepuscular darkened dim dun dusk faint foggy ill-lighted indistinct inky lightless lurid misty nebulous obfuscous obscure opaque overcast pitch-black pitch-dark pitchy rayless shaded shadowy shady stygian sunless tenebrous unlighted unlit vague bruise Black blacks african americans negroid not niggers no affirmative action contributers to society colors shade yin yang nigger african american blackie red brown green indigoyellow black and mild cigars milds smokes filters past future story account tale record annals saga journal recital version diary report epic memoirs ABCs annal blow by blow bulletin chronicle detail explanation history lowdown make narration narrative play by play run-down score tab take the picture the whole picture accomplishments acquirement actions atmosphere attainment aura backdrop breeding capacity credentials cultivation culture deeds education environment framework grounding practice preparation qualification rearing seasoning tradition training upbringing archives prehistory recountal register annotation answer breakdown brief cause comment commentary confession definition demonstration description details display elucidation evidence example excuse explication exposition expression gloss illustration information interpretation justification meaning mitigation motive note rendition resolution sense showing significance specification statement summary talking telling vindication writing analysis article composition construal construction critique delineation discourse discussion disquisition dissertation editorial enucleation enunciation essay exegesis exposé expounding monograph paper piece position paper presentation review study text theme thesis tract tractate treatise Moirai accident break certainty chance circumstances contingency destiny doom expectation experience fifty-fifty fighting chance fluke fortuity fortunateness good break hazard karma kismet life luck lucked into lucked out luckiness lucky break lucky hit portion providence roll of the dice run of luck star streak of luck success way the ball bounces way the cookie crumbles wheel of fortune background fortune History hitler postmodernism what is history historical knowledge etc wtf dude stay away from me porn internet wwii egyptian revolution civil war war ice road truckers parents ipod point past turn space life date day stage term age pace while era tide stint span clock epoch bout spell tempo bit shift tour year week hour allotment chronology continuance duration eternity extent future generation infinity instance instant interval juncture lastingness life span lifetime many a moon moment month occasion present season second stretch time Month The Onion The Onions comic sudden tense affecting breathtaking climactic dramaturgic dramaturgical effective electrifying emotional expressive farcical histrionic impressive melodramatic powerful sensational spectacular startling striking suspenseful the histrionical The onion Onion ONION onions fun humor satire farce picnic takeoff drollery hoopla travesty hilarity ball camp jesting joking sitcom laughs funnies grins schtick chaffing gag show play on send-up sadness tragedy Broadway boards climax comedy dramatic art dramatization dramaturgy footlights histrionic art melodrama play production scene show show business showmanship stage show stagecraft tear-jerker theater theatricals thespian art vehicle crisis dramatics emotion excitement histrionics spectacle tension theatrics absurdity broad comedy buffoonery burlesque caricature high camp horseplay interlude joke low camp mock mockery parody pratfall comedy ridiculousness sham skit slapstick curtain-raiser drama entertainment flop hit mask musical one-act opera performance potboiler smash smash hit theatrical turkey act appearance carnival cinema film flick motion picture movie pageant picture presentation showing curiosity demonstration display event exposition extravaganza marvel parade phenomenon representation sight spectacular tableau view wonder Comedy irony skit wit spoof squib seriousness burly caricature farce lampoon lampoonery mock mockery parody pastiche peep show revue satire send-up strip takeoff travesty vaudeville burlesque cartoon distortion imitation libel mimicry pasquinade put-on ridicule sham animation comic strip drawing representation sketch ball camp chaffing comic drama comicality comicalness drollery drollness facetiousness field day fun fun and games funnies funniness gag show grins high camp high time hilarity hoopla humor humorousness interlude jesting joking laughs light entertainment merry-go-round picnic play on schtick sitcom slapstick wisecracking witticism wittiness Bronx cheer backhanded compliment brickbat butt comeback contempt contumely crack dig disdain disparagement dump jab jest joke laughingstock laughter object of ridicule parting shot pilgarlic put-down raillery scoffing scorn slam slap sneering adumbration allegory alliteration allusion analogue analogy anaphora anticlimax antistrophe antithesis aposiopesis apostrophe asyndeton bathos comparison conceit device echoism ellipsis euphemism euphuism exaggeration expression flourish flower hyperbole image imagery litotes malapropism manner of speaking metaphor metonymy onomatopoeia ornament oxymoron parable paradox parallel personification proteron rhetoric sarcasm simile synecdoche trope tropology turn of phrase understatement way of speaking comedy derision figure of speech Satire story word advice account report message data rumor hearsay telegram tidings dispatch telecast scandal leak telling copy cable recital scoop release bulletin exposé lowdown silence truth history admonition advisement advocacy aid bum steer caution charge consultation counsel directions dissuasion encouragement exhortation forewarning guidance help information injunction input instruction judgment lesson news opinion persuasion prescription proposal proposition recommendation steer suggestion teaching telltale tip tip-off two cents' worth view warning word to the wise advertisement briefing broadcast broadcasting communication communiqué disclosure dissemination divulgence edict exposing exposition expression intimation narration notice notification prediction promulgation publication publishing recitation reporting revelation statement announcement break calendar flash handout hot wire item list news flash program skinny the dope what's going down what's happening comment cry grapevine rumble scuttlebutt talk whisper conversation converse declaration directive excerpt goods hot story ideas info inside story intelligence language missive note pipeline poop prophecy précis publicity speech summary translation utterance work buzz intimate intelligence juicy morsel the lowdown dirt NEWS story word advice account report message data rumor hearsay telegram tidings dispatch telecast scandal leak telling copy cable recital scoop release bulletin exposé lowdown silence truth history admonition advisement advocacy aid bum steer caution charge consultation counsel directions dissuasion encouragement exhortation forewarning guidance help information injunction input instruction judgment lesson news opinion persuasion prescription proposal proposition recommendation steer suggestion teaching telltale tip tip-off two cents' worth view warning word to the wise advertisement briefing broadcast broadcasting communication communiqué disclosure dissemination divulgence edict exposing exposition expression intimation narration notice notification prediction promulgation publication publishing recitation reporting revelation statement announcement break calendar flash handout hot wire item list news flash program skinny the dope what's going down what's happening comment cry grapevine rumble scuttlebutt talk whisper conversation converse declaration directive excerpt goods hot story ideas info inside story intelligence language missive note pipeline poop prophecy précis publicity speech summary translation utterance work buzz intimate intelligence juicy morsel the lowdown dirt NEWS web chain system grid net nexus plexus wattle fabric complex maze fiber mesh artery weave grill hookup jungle netting wiring tracks disorganization mingle meet hobnob avoid divide admix alloy ally coalesce combine come together compound consolidate fuse hook up with incorporate integrate interface intermix join together meld merge network pool team up tie in tie up unite bureaucracy chain of command hierarchy setup structure band binding connection cord fastening fetter gunk handcuff irons ligature link linkage manacle rope shackle stickum tie tie-in wire affiliation affinity attachment connective friendship interrelationship liaison marriage obligation relationship restraint union gossamer labyrinth snare tissue toil webbing amalgamate associate bind blend bond bracket bunch up coadjute commingle conjoin cooperate couple dub get together glue oneself to hitch on hook on join league marry mix plug into put together relate slap on stand in with synthesize tack on tag on team up with throw in together tie up with unify wed apparatus cobweb Network Net-Work Onns farce joke banter whimsy gag wit fun joking gaiety jest levity sadness tragedy drama tone nature makeup whim vagary strain bent quirk mind fancy notion bias bee temper vein dislike hate afford aid arrange assist avail benefit bow comfort convenience defer favor furnish gratify help humor indulge oblige pamper please provide serve settle submit suit supply support sustain yield cater to cherish coddle cosset cuddle dandle dote on foster nurse overindulge pet satisfy spoil caper changeableness contrariety crotchet fad fickleness fitfulness fool notion freak impulse inconsistency inconstancy jerk kink mood peculiarity perversity put on rib thought baby cotton minister to outfit pander to procure provision purvey victual appearance aspect attribute badge caliber cast complex complexion constitution crasis disposition emotions estimation ethos frame frame of mind genius grain habit kind mettle morale mystique personality quality record reputation repute sense set shape singularity sort specialty spirit standing streak style temperament trait turn type branch brand breed caste character classification collection color degree denomination department description designation distinction division domain estate family feather genre genus grade grouping hierarchy ilk kidney league make mold name order origin property province range rank rate school sect section selection source species sphere status stripe value variety accommodate caprice cater class Humor plumb upright steep erect sheer on end level prone good legal honest proper due moral lawful true evil unreal unfair unjust insane false wrong mad unfit left end up raised upward cocked end on upended lying fallen card clown comic farceur jester wag wit gagster horizontal stand-up standing straight straight-up vertical appropriate condign conscientious deserved equitable ethical fitting honorable justifiable legitimate merited requisite righteous rightful scrupulous suitable virtuous perpendicular upstanding comedian humorist jokester quipster stand-up comedian stand-up comic wisecracker right funnyman Stand up Stand Up stand up fun humor satire farce picnic takeoff drollery hoopla travesty hilarity ball camp jesting joking sitcom laughs funnies grins schtick chaffing gag show play on send-up sadness tragedy Broadway boards climax comedy dramatic art dramatization dramaturgy footlights histrionic art melodrama play production scene show show business showmanship stage show stagecraft tear-jerker theater theatricals thespian art vehicle crisis dramatics emotion excitement histrionics spectacle tension theatrics absurdity broad comedy buffoonery burlesque caricature high camp horseplay interlude joke low camp mock mockery parody pratfall comedy ridiculousness sham skit slapstick curtain-raiser drama entertainment flop hit mask musical one-act opera performance potboiler smash smash hit theatrical turkey act appearance carnival cinema film flick motion picture movie pageant picture presentation showing curiosity demonstration display event exposition extravaganza marvel parade phenomenon representation sight spectacular tableau view wonder Comedy genre Genre Humour Literary literary farce joke irony satire skit cartoon mimicry apology mockery roast lampoon mime jest takeoff copy rib play-on send-up praise truth mimic mock jeer distort deride ape put on sheik send up flatter approve be on bring down the house burlesque characterize do a turn dramatize emote enact feign go on go over ham ham it up impersonate lay an egg make debut mug parody perform personate personify play play act play gig play part play role portray pretend put it over rehearse represent say one's piece simulate star stooge strut take part tread the boards affect caricature counterfeit ditto do like echo emulate go like imitate make like mirror parrot take off travesty burly lampoonery pastiche peep show revue spoof strip vaudeville distortion imitation libel pasquinade put-on ridicule sham animation comic strip drawing representation sketch deception disguise fake make-believe pageant pantomime pretension pretentiousness trick act charade Parody celebration Celebration box video eye tube audio telly vid air time airing announcing auditioning newscasting performing posting online putting on program radio reporting telecasting television transmission transmitting announcement cable communications correspondence disclosure expression intelligence news publishing broadcast canned music video prerecorded program promotional film recorded taped telegenic TV set idiot box small screen the box the tube boob tube television receiver broadcasting electronic media information media media press mass media
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