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The news according to Johnny Carson

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There's reading the headlines, and then there's having Johnny Carson read the headlines for you. (Hint: the last option's better.) See how he did it on CNN's "The History of Comedy" Thursdays at 10 p.m. ET/PT.

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affecting breathtaking climactic comic dramaturgic dramaturgical effective electrifying emotional expressive farcical histrionic impressive melodramatic powerful sensational spectacular startling striking sudden suspenseful tense histrionical the steezy The account advice announcement broadcast data disclosure message report rumor statement story word bulletin cable cognizance communication copy description discovery dispatch enlightenment headlines hearsay intelligence itemization knowledge leak narration particularization recital recognition release scandal scoop specification telecast telegram telling tidings communiqué exposé eye-opener front-page news lowdown news flash the goods question silence truth concealment ignorance suppression history admonition advisement advocacy aid bum steer caution charge consultation counsel directions dissuasion encouragement exhortation forewarning guidance help information injunction input instruction judgment lesson news opinion persuasion prescription proposal proposition recommendation steer suggestion teaching telltale tip tip-off view warning word to the wise misinformation deception deceit betrayal opposition discouragement misrepresentation lie falsehood obstruction injury hindrance blockage advertisement briefing broadcasting dissemination divulgence edict exposing exposition expression intimation notice notification prediction promulgation publication publishing recitation reporting revelation secret announcements break calendar flash handout hot wire item list program skinny the dope quiet buzz comment cry grapevine rumble scuttlebutt talk whisper conversation converse declaration directive excerpt goods hot story ideas info inside story language missive note pipeline poop prophecy précis publicity speech summary translation utterance work withholding cover steezy NEWS News bestow confer give accede acquiesce admit allow award concede endow present render tender vouchsafe take deny disagree dispute dissent protest refuse reject withhold argue challenge contest disallow disapprove oppose question conform affirm agree correspond square concur fit tally assent jibe suit harmonize match be in tune clash differ consonant accordant according agnate akin alike analogous blending coincident comparable compatible concordant conformable congenial congruous correspondent corresponding harmonious in agreement in rapport like parallel similar suitable sympathetic uniform inconsonant incongruent dissonant different inconsistent incongruous incompatible disagreeing divergent unlike dissimilar equal balanced break even commensurate coordinate double duplicate egalitarian equivalent evenly matched fifty-fifty homologous identic identical indistinguishable invariable level look-alike matched matching one and the same proportionate same same difference spit and image stack up with tantamount to the same degree two peas in pod unvarying unequitable not alike mismatched unequal unjust unfair disproportionate biased varying unmatched variable changing more equal pot head john latrine lavatory outhouse potty privy restroom sandbox throne washroom litter box water closet can contraceptive prophylactic raincoat safe rubber protection sheath French letter condom johnny Johnny steezy caisson coarsen arson carbon carton parson casino casing carps on causing cursing cars carp on carrion cartoon co arsen canon capon croon mason cursor calls on cuts on car loan chaws on cash on has on was on bears on wears on rags on tags on Carson steezy carson
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