Description

The women of Dallas have occupied Mexico. Apparently unbothered by the prospect of a surprise TSA screening, Brandi brought along a massive, dark-brown dildo, which she refers to as “Sexual Chocolate.” (Brandi.) She sees it as a litmus test to determine who among them is truly down to clown, and so she hides the rubber Excalibur in D’Andra’s bag.It isn’t long before, at a taco and tequila tasting on the beach (more of a tequila drinking, really), D’Andra discovers what’s hiding in her purse. She takes its contents in stride. She pulls the dildo out, brandishing it in Brandi’s face. “It has a pee hole and everything,” exclaims Stephanie gleefully, forever the Tweedledee to Brandi’s Tweedledum. The blurred but nevertheless visibly jiggling dildo is truly an achievement on the part of the RHOD postproduction team.Kameron, who is 10 percent human woman, 90 percent stick-up-butt, finds the sex toy unspeakably horrifying, despite the fact that — let’s be real — it is a factory-fresh, brand-new product that has far fewer bacteria on it than anybody’s iPhone. Naturally, Brandi chases Kam with the dildo, asking her, “Are you sad that this isn’t pink?” (Raise your hand if you think that the Housewives are being twice as weird about the dildo than they otherwise would be because of some vague, penis-based racism.) The resort staff stands at attention a short distance away throughout all of this. I hope to God they’re getting enormous tips, and I do mean cash ones.