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Want to Become a Morning Person Partner With a Night Owl

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Want to Become a Morning Person Partner With a Night OwlI was not a morning person when I met Andrew during my first year of college. I’d miss the cafeteria breakfast window. I’d cram my socializing and studying into the night, after afternoons of work and classes. I’d deliberately avoid the early a.m. courses even, I’ll freely admit, if their subjects neatly lined up with my interests.For the dynamics of my new relationship, this wasn’t problematic in the least. While Andrew told me stories of how he’d wake up at 5:00 a.m. or some ungodly hour to do yoga in high school—how he just loved the feeling of starting the day fresh and early—the guy I came to know wasn’t so chipper at sunrise. He was more like me. For college, it worked out splendidly.But then four years flew by. We moved-in together, stuck it out, graduated, relocated, and needed to get to work. I couldn’t imagine settling into a routine. Indeed, while there were plenty of articles and studies out there that questioned the durability of relationships between early risers and night owls, it seemed like we—two daily brunchers forced to retire the brand—were in uncharted territory. Though a couple that notoriously steered clear of argument, our weekday wake-up sessions were suddenly, upon our transition to the “real world,” met with barely-conscious bickering and snide complaining. My phone alarm greeted us like the relationship test we never thought we needed. We weren’t familiar with rising early and, more significantly, we had no interest in learning. (No, not even the promise of morning mating did the trick.)Every couple gets into their own rhythms, of course. But we weren’t on different sleep schedules. Our conflict wasn’t based on clashing habits. Rather, our preferences were too similar to make the necessary adjustments without inconceivable sacrifice; something, or perhaps someone, would have to give. So I picked up the slack, grudgingly: monitoring the alarm, wandering into the shower, indiscriminately grabbing clothing items, and—the main event—waking up my other half.That last task was never less than a 15 to 20-minute undertaking. Depending on the day, I’d be met with silence, guilt-tripping (“Come on, I didn’t sleep!”), rage (“Leave me the f— alone!”), or literal growls (somewhere between a dog and a grizzly bear—Andrew, upon hearing the description, didn’t disagree). I’d strip him of the duvet, blast clips of everything from late-night monologues to Judy Garland hits to his favorite Emmy acceptance speeches—niche, I know—all to no avail. It was exhausting and bizarrely stressful. It felt like I was shouldering an unconscionable burden.And then, somewhere along the way, I changed my mind. Through my dogged efforts to wake up the snoring guy to my left, I became a morning person.I developed tactics. I’d brew coffee to lull Andrew out of bed, only to realize that doing so helped to lull me out of bed. I’d pettily—nonsensically, really—bicker with him, both of us half-asleep, before we’d laugh it off and gradually drift into consciousness. And he had this odd thing where if I pulled together some impressions—a broad assortment of middling imitations that, for the most part, covered family members and acquaintances—he’d sometimes engage, chuckle to himself, rub his eyes, and cut the charade’s time by half. It became so rote that I hardly noticed the energy it all required, the way it accelerated my own return to the living. This strange, maddening chore began as a rather intensive way to start the day. It evolved into an essential tradition.Part of it, to be sure, is mechanical—the strength I need to muster to get us both out the door is enough for a work-day and then some. But more powerful is the intimacy of the ritual. I’ve learned plenty about what it means for couples to sleep far apart, or at different hours of the night, or in various physical positions—when it comes to couples in the bedroom, there are too many points of focus to count. But allow me to hone in on another: Studies show that we’re at our closest when in bed together, right before we sleep and right as we greet the day. And for me, it’s when I wake up and play the role of bedside antagonist: the human alarm bell. It’s often irritating in the moment—the poking, the de-bedding, the pestering. But then, eventually, he smirks, maybe laughs a bit, and lets me give him a hug. He gets up to shower and brush, and emerges from the bathroom awake. He might even mumble “I’m sorry”—which, pre-9 a.m., translates as a sexy “I love you” clouded in morning breath.Our morning grind is weird and unusual and exceedingly complicated, sure. But it’s ours. In all of its inanity, it’s turned into something irresistibly romantic. As long as I have a grumbling night owl to wake up to every morning, consider me converted to the sunny side.


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WITH racist racial profiling bastards cockblocked larry acronym sex cum masturbation ejaculation wtf hell sperm latin absurd stupid midnight bedtime black blackness dark darkness duskiness evening eventide gloom nightfall nighttime obscurity twilight after dark after hours before dawn dark hours dead of night dim dusk to dawn nighttide pitch dark witching hour brightness cognizance day daybreak daylight daytime enlightening illumination intelligence light lightness morning sense sensibility understanding caliginosity dimness dusk murk murkiness night opacity semidarkness shade shadows dimday dimmet gloaming sundown sunset brink evening before threshold verge vigil obscureness dawn sunrise eve middle Night NiGHTS nights goofing off sleep people nhigt nigth ngiht ntghi good g'night bad bye farewell peace i'm out see ya sega yuki naka naota oshima good night goodbye bandit burglar criminal crook mugger pickpocket pirate robber sniper swindler cheat clip defalcator embezzler hijacker housebreaker kleptomaniac larcener larcenist lifter moonlighter pilferer plunderer prowler punk scrounger shoplifter spider stealer cat burglar heister highway robber holdup artist porch climber purloiner stickup artist law police filcher midnighter owl picklock porch-climber safecracker sneakthief thief highwayman OWL Owl owls silent flight nocturnal bird of prey feathers talons hacker computer darkness night forebode cougar lesbian sugar daddy daddy cub harry potter instant messaging mail weed may jane trees spliff joint fattie doobie roach marijuana cannabis lol lols lawls jowls haha collapsing cracking crumbling fracturing shattering smashing splintering splitting tearing enduring strong breakdown breaking crackup disintegration dispersal dissolution divorce ending parting rift separation split splitsville termination wind-up exploding breaking up decaying disintegrating analysis apportionment autopsy bisection breaking down carving contrasting demarcation departmentalizing detachment diagnosis disjuncture dismemberment disparting disseverance distinguishing distribution disunion dividing parceling partition reduction rending rupture segmentation selection separating severance splitting up subdivision vivisection adieu break breakup crossroads departure divergence division farewell going leave-taking on the rocks split-up valediction union attachment start beginning reconciliation introduction marriage bursting calm stable peaceful system agreement connection combination juncture whole unity unison unification accord divisions good-bye harmony closure hello continuation closing greeting Breaking breakdance break dancer b-boy cool sweet awesome cute antonym - ugly broke forensics 4n6 jargon account advice announcement broadcast data disclosure message report rumor statement story word bulletin cable cognizance communication copy description discovery dispatch enlightenment headlines hearsay intelligence itemization knowledge leak narration particularization recital recognition release scandal scoop specification telecast telegram telling tidings communiqué exposé eye-opener front-page news lowdown news flash the goods question silence truth concealment ignorance suppression history admonition advisement advocacy aid bum steer caution charge consultation counsel directions dissuasion encouragement exhortation forewarning guidance help information injunction input instruction judgment lesson news opinion persuasion prescription proposal proposition recommendation steer suggestion teaching telltale tip tip-off view warning word to the wise advertisement briefing broadcasting dissemination divulgence edict exposing exposition expression intimation notice notification prediction promulgation publication publishing recitation reporting revelation break calendar flash handout hot wire item list program skinny the dope comment cry grapevine rumble scuttlebutt talk whisper conversation converse declaration directive excerpt goods hot story ideas info inside story language missive note pipeline poop prophecy précis publicity speech summary translation utterance work misinformation deception deceit betrayal opposition discouragement misrepresentation lie falsehood obstruction injury hindrance blockage secret announcements quiet buzz withholding cover NEWS News bad news newspaper obituaries war politics whiner complainer's bitching piss&moaning gossiping propoganda hollywood reality lies as truth rich promotion club upper class upper pay current events money world events February february Februaries talent valentines day cute lucky smart leap year feb febuary febrary febu rim rims rimz ferburaries chrome spinner spinners spinnerz spinnas spinnaz 26's 24's 22's 20's deuce fingerless february month winter second snow leap-year valentine's day romance groundhog's day valentine jewlery blow job diamond 2017 feminst hughmungus blm riots terrorists
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